never mine

lately i’ve been having the weirdest dreams
well
they’re actually not that weird
they just seem so vivid
so real
it’s hard to wake up and think there’s something else
first
i always see my face
my eyes
my mouth
or at least
i think they’re mine
i think it’s me
and then it’d be the nose
the hair, the hands, the heart
that can’t help but change
into someone else’s
i don’t really know
it seems my defenses
are always off
and open to other’s arms
they don’t know me at all
or who knows?
maybe they do
and they love the look in my face
when it’s full of regret
when it fades away
like the smoke of a cigarette
that it’s never mine
lately i’ve been having the weirdest dreams
well
they’re actually not that weird
they just stick in my head
as they cling me to bed
and i can’t help but feel
i won’t know the person that smiles to the mirror