Peace and serenity

I'd always been one of those people who are not afraid of death, who have no taboos about it. I'd thought about the ways I would and wouldn't like to die several times. But, when the date arrived, I didn't accept it with the peace and serenity I had expected to assume. I freaked out and burst into tears. I clung to life and sunk my teeth into it as the frightened cat I had hidden inside me until that moment. It's a shame that life has not lots of things to hold onto. It's a shame... It was only for a minute, don't blame yourself. But it only took a minute.
I'd never been a confident person, I wish I had learnt to regard myself better. However, I've changed my opinion about the world. I don't keep any bitterness in me anymore. It just gave me the scariest moment I've ever suffered. And then, just peace. And serenity.
When I look behind and I see myself stamping and unable to speak... Maybe, if I had recovered my voice, if I had shouted out... I remember I thought if I weren't to sink soon, I would drown with my own tears. I think they were the most beautiful tears I've ever spilt, they merged into the sea, both salty.
I'm glad it only took a minute. I'm glad you looked back. You held my hand at the end.
And then, just peace. And serenity.
And you.
Just you.

And suddenly, no end, but light.